This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
