I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
