I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
