Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
