Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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