this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize