break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
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Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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