If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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