Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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