they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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