dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I look better un-naked...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
