So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
