When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
