I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
