Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
