Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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