apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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