If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
