I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
