I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
