that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize