I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
