You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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