Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
