So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
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apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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