woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
