I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
