then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
