I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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