Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize