Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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