it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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