Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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