Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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