My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
