I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
