I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize