he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
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I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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