btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
