You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
