Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
