You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
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Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
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My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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