I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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