Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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