I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
