OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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