fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize