His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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