whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
