Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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