I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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