Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
