I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
