today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
