i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
