Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
