I'm so fucking centered right now
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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