I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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