So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
