My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
