im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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