capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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