Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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