we're blogging at a bar
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
