Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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