hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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