Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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