I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
should my penis look like a turkey
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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