Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
