well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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