got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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