girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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