I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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